Yesterday, in centre, I had a very bad emotion swing. L And it got worse when I know that Jiayi Jigme Lama’s brother is dead. Hmm… ask for this matter, I am very surprise and I wonder why. For Rinpoche, it may be a very normal thing for him not to feel anything because he is a practiconar. And then, Rinchen Khandu told us that he is his very good friend. But he don’t seems to feel sad at all.. Why?
Is it because they are trained in this at a very young age? They understand the meaning of impermanence? They feel it? Or they don’t? It is horrifying. They can actually laugh at it. They trying to let people know that they can actually take it or they trying to somewhat hide their sadness?
Then what about HH? If one day, HH is not around, can or will I still be able to see happy faces? I don’t think so. It is never going to be the same again. Don’t you think so?
I somehow felt that I fear. Will I become like them? But what’s wrong with that? Knowing impermanence is not a bad thing either. Haiz.. No words is ever going to express the fight deep within.
Can’t we just express out the emotion we are feeling? It is so tired to hide them and put on a mask in front of everyone. I suddenly think of what Lama Rinchen have said.
“ It will be a very xinfu thing is I can die before HH wansheng!” I can feel his wunai gan. It is so horrible.
Come on, leave me alone. I need a space to breath. Stop thinking.
Have been really thinking recently.. it is not healthy… helpless. Hopeless. L
I received 2 messages from Aisyah yesterday night! I only get to read them today, this morning. I don’t feel like replying her sms. I don’t know what to tell her. I need help urgently too.. arggh… what is happening?
Why is everything so difficult? Why recently what people say can affect me so much and can actually hit me so deep? Even Auntie Lily’s words.
I can feel that they are going to leave a scar.. I might not be able to see it, but it is always there. I don’t like it…
Have been giving myself a lot of excuses to force myself to face to reality. But is there a need for me to do this? Haiz…
Is it because they are trained in this at a very young age? They understand the meaning of impermanence? They feel it? Or they don’t? It is horrifying. They can actually laugh at it. They trying to let people know that they can actually take it or they trying to somewhat hide their sadness?
Then what about HH? If one day, HH is not around, can or will I still be able to see happy faces? I don’t think so. It is never going to be the same again. Don’t you think so?
I somehow felt that I fear. Will I become like them? But what’s wrong with that? Knowing impermanence is not a bad thing either. Haiz.. No words is ever going to express the fight deep within.
Can’t we just express out the emotion we are feeling? It is so tired to hide them and put on a mask in front of everyone. I suddenly think of what Lama Rinchen have said.
“ It will be a very xinfu thing is I can die before HH wansheng!” I can feel his wunai gan. It is so horrible.
Come on, leave me alone. I need a space to breath. Stop thinking.
Have been really thinking recently.. it is not healthy… helpless. Hopeless. L
I received 2 messages from Aisyah yesterday night! I only get to read them today, this morning. I don’t feel like replying her sms. I don’t know what to tell her. I need help urgently too.. arggh… what is happening?
Why is everything so difficult? Why recently what people say can affect me so much and can actually hit me so deep? Even Auntie Lily’s words.
I can feel that they are going to leave a scar.. I might not be able to see it, but it is always there. I don’t like it…
Have been giving myself a lot of excuses to force myself to face to reality. But is there a need for me to do this? Haiz…
