…Letting go with acceptance…
Well, have been feeling… hmmm. Not very sure how to describe that kind of feeling. Well, this is me lah.. I think when I can fully describe my feeling then I think it would be very scary..
Did I feel much better recently? I don’t know. Maybe I try not to think about what’s really bothering me. I choose to ignore, maybe I choose the old route. Bottle them up. I felt safer this way actually, although I know I will be feeling very xin ku within but I think this will work out better. I should find myself. I have tried various ways. Someone told me that I would not be able to handle this kind of character for long. I don’t suit this kind of character but it had already live with me for the past 23 years isn’t it? Although there are times I wish to give up but I still announce victory didn’t I? Therefore, what’s more important is I have tried other ways to su fa my emotions. This is enough. Really. I don’t wish to hurt people surrounding me. I don’t want to feel the burden I have thrown out. It is much more heavier. I have been independent last time. Why can I be so? Well, emotions are really scary creatures. As long as I am comfortable why should I be making such a big fuse?? Maybe I could say that I felt lighter within. And perhaps it’s the first step to help myself get a little happier.
I felt distance from so much people. Especially people close with me. Esp. my mother I thought. Lack of communication. Everything and everything. Well, also people who can stand me during this period of time. I can’t say I’ll be the same like last time but maybe, a little not so irritating. Haha. But it is still bad lah.
……. You might be reading this entry. But I don’t mean to say anything bad or negative lah.. But I felt that you have become secretive. I don’t think it’s very bad lah.. But sometimes, still spare some thoughts for people surrounding you. Maybe as one experience and explore more about life, there will be a stage where one have to go through acceptance, a lot of things might not seems “right” but still have to watch the words one use? The attitude? And the kind of respect one should have at least for someone more elderly? These are very important. They reflect. Well, I took courage to pen these down. And aiya, I also don’t know… I remember once I asked my sister how to let go.. Her replied was, “when it’s time to let go, you will know it naturally.” I have tried to let go. Have you?
….. I miss you. Really appreciate you so much. Well, you have once pour salt over my wound but it is also you who have taught me how to survive through. Thank you! This has always been my wish for you. Fly fly away!! Be happy. :)
