WHY

Emotions are just "feelings" from your heart generated from your thoughts. I always allow emotions to take over me. To control me.. I am struck in my own world. I dont know what is it like to be free. I can be happy but I am not ok. This is so sad. Didn't managed to cheer myself up. Didn't manage to move on without complaining. Didn't manage to do alot of things. Merely words. Oh wow... That's km.

Been sick for 2-3 days. Fever last night 37.9. It's mad. Spoilt my mood and plans and got me all so fastruated. AND I CANT GET COKE! Ah.. this is my life. However, I still believe that someda, one day, pretty soon, I will break free from all this. I wanna be happy. I wanna be doings things I should be doing instead of complaining.

Piano classes with JR. Outing with silly sistaz(always complaining not meeting them!). Okay, I dont mind getting suan lah.. Simply need some entertaiment to spice me up. Goodbye to disturbing thoughts. I wanna preapare myself to welcome new start.

Enrique Iglesias - Hero. I am listening to this right now. I liked it so much. Well well.. silly km silly km. And, thanks. You know what I meant. More than words can say. Qian yan wan yu..

Enrique Iglesias - Hero

Let me be your hero,

Would you dance,
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run,
and never look back?
Would you cry,
if you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble,
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die,
for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear,
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just wanna to hold you.
I just wanna to hold you.
Oh yeah.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don't care...
You're here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you, forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.
I can be your hero.

So much better!

I am happy to hear that HH is ok. HH will be in LA. MIGHT be going for operation. HH is good, HH is happy. But I just miss you so much. Sometimes, just find that everything is so strange yet so wonderful. I may not have known you since I am young but I am sure I will never forget you till the last day on earth. You are where my faith was. We are "seperated" with sooooooo many things yet, I dont feel the distance. I trust you so much that I felt so safe. I always like that kind of feeling.. securiy. Always assuring me that things no matter how difficult will eventually be okay.

I have gone through very difficult weeks. Even more touturing then taking examinations. SO many Wu2 Ke3 Nai4 He2, so many Qian1 Yan2 Wan4 Yu3. Durng all the weeks, I have become very anti social, very self centered. I dont look things in different angles. I hate the idea I would have to give in after reflecting. I wish to convince myself that I am okay. I am right. But that was when I am in denial. I have "woke" up.. It's time to move on.

Recently, I took away many lives. I fed the 2 fishes in office with worms. They worms seems so know they will die. They cling on so tightly to the plastic spoon. I feel extreme guilt. I dont wish to do it. I cant help except to recite prayers in my heart. I've tried to divert my attention by convincing myself, the fish will die if it's not eating. And what, because of 2 fishes, I will have to sacrifice so many lives. What am I doing. That's absolute pain. I even tried to convince myself by telling myself, at least before the worm die, it hears the prayer. It might be minimium help however, it will still helps. Tell me. Am I wrong to feed the fishes?

And recently, felt the responsibilities at home. I felt suffocated. Everything is money money and money. I am NOT happy about it but I cannot say anything about it. Well, everything is accumlating. I felt the stress.. At home, at work, emotional struggle. When can I let go of all this?

Ah.. Life still moves on. KM, be strong. =)

Know what, this silly ger felt so much better already. Becasuse she manage to type out her so call "fears" and "worries". Friends, sorry if in any way, make you indirectly worry for me. I am okay. Yea. Holding on and putting on a strong front is tiring. I felt more relax already. 3 Cheers for KM. (",)