A Month
Jobless for nearly a month now. Things to be busy with are almost done. And, everything starts to slow down now. Yea... Time pass slowly. Everything slowed down. Everything is making me feel uncomfortable. Yes, I must agree. Leaving my comfort zone really need courage. I had to announce, to wake myself... I have stepped out of my comfort zone and slowly slowly stepping into the unknown future. KM, you need to stay brave and strong... Eh.. Everything end just like that. A year of effort, a year.. Ha... gone like this. Seems only yesterday I start working there. And yes.. it's cruel. All apperication ends with just 2 word. 'Thank you'. Haha.. This sound silly. Regardless you like it or not, thank you is just what you get. Not really apperication. Just what manners. Sound so sad. But be realistic. It's like this!
I start to worry and fear for my shadowy future. Really thought this defeat itself left me with no courage to carry on walking. I felt defeated.. was it because of that point of impluse? NO. I am sure I'm not. Haiz.. Everything seems useless if were to point out now. Who will understand? You leave, they just get someone to replace you. That's easy.. at theirs finger tips. What's new. I have to admit I am not happy leaving like this. Bu4 gan1 xin1. But feeling so wu2 nai1 isn't going to help.
I wish to go away for awhile. Say all you want, escape from reality, excuses given to self, indulge in self pity... I just wanna leave. Wasn't allowed. Why can't I just walk the way I feel like, having to spare a thought for others is really...!!! Argh.. Responsibilities.. What are they? Maybe the more acceptable reason or excuse........ there isn't any. I just want to convince myself there is something to make me go away, something to convince myself it's not wrong. This is KM.. Felt silly all over again...
Was talking with SY that day. This topic out of nowhere pop up. The question, why you learn dharma? My answer, I learnt because I wished I can loved myself alittle more. She mentioned it is my man4 xin1. Is it like that? Or maybe I overlooked.. the point that I loved myself too much without realising it? And lept thinking it was not enough. I am not sure. But I am sure about one thing, to see oneself clearly, you'll need the third party. Be it an emotion, object, people.. whichever it is. Only that'll will trigger your thoughts, make oneself reflect, realise, learn. I am slow in this. If only I have had more widsom. With more widsom, more understanding.
I keep mentioning about having my play doh back. Yea.. I played with it that day. Feeling was fun but never the same. And JR, you are right. They are all projections. Ah..
I think I need some encouragement, some courage, some determination and perhaps, a little bit of luck.
Jobless for nearly a month now. Things to be busy with are almost done. And, everything starts to slow down now. Yea... Time pass slowly. Everything slowed down. Everything is making me feel uncomfortable. Yes, I must agree. Leaving my comfort zone really need courage. I had to announce, to wake myself... I have stepped out of my comfort zone and slowly slowly stepping into the unknown future. KM, you need to stay brave and strong... Eh.. Everything end just like that. A year of effort, a year.. Ha... gone like this. Seems only yesterday I start working there. And yes.. it's cruel. All apperication ends with just 2 word. 'Thank you'. Haha.. This sound silly. Regardless you like it or not, thank you is just what you get. Not really apperication. Just what manners. Sound so sad. But be realistic. It's like this!
I start to worry and fear for my shadowy future. Really thought this defeat itself left me with no courage to carry on walking. I felt defeated.. was it because of that point of impluse? NO. I am sure I'm not. Haiz.. Everything seems useless if were to point out now. Who will understand? You leave, they just get someone to replace you. That's easy.. at theirs finger tips. What's new. I have to admit I am not happy leaving like this. Bu4 gan1 xin1. But feeling so wu2 nai1 isn't going to help.
I wish to go away for awhile. Say all you want, escape from reality, excuses given to self, indulge in self pity... I just wanna leave. Wasn't allowed. Why can't I just walk the way I feel like, having to spare a thought for others is really...!!! Argh.. Responsibilities.. What are they? Maybe the more acceptable reason or excuse........ there isn't any. I just want to convince myself there is something to make me go away, something to convince myself it's not wrong. This is KM.. Felt silly all over again...
Was talking with SY that day. This topic out of nowhere pop up. The question, why you learn dharma? My answer, I learnt because I wished I can loved myself alittle more. She mentioned it is my man4 xin1. Is it like that? Or maybe I overlooked.. the point that I loved myself too much without realising it? And lept thinking it was not enough. I am not sure. But I am sure about one thing, to see oneself clearly, you'll need the third party. Be it an emotion, object, people.. whichever it is. Only that'll will trigger your thoughts, make oneself reflect, realise, learn. I am slow in this. If only I have had more widsom. With more widsom, more understanding.
I keep mentioning about having my play doh back. Yea.. I played with it that day. Feeling was fun but never the same. And JR, you are right. They are all projections. Ah..
I think I need some encouragement, some courage, some determination and perhaps, a little bit of luck.
