.looking at the brighter side of life.
Well well.. I have started working for 7 days already.. Everything is not falling in place.. and I am not sure where gone wrong.. Well, I think i will not forget the date I start working. 11/09/03.. Mid-Autumn Festival. Hmm, seriously I dislike what I am doing right now. But, I agree with what you have said, attitude.. I am trying to change my attitude towards my work, my family, myself, everything and everything. It is not easy at all.. the stress I am undergoing right now..
Hmm, come all the way to achieve something like what I am feeling right now? Should not be the way. I should be thankful, greatful... but? I am so mix up right now...
I can tell everyone I am feeling ok but only tired.. feeling so tired so tired.. BUT I am not happy. Not really with what is happening surrounding me.. but with myself, my emotions, my thoughts... until I read what you have wrote.. emotions and thoughts are no longer the same..
Maybe I am just trying to ohard to go back to the past... Want to abandon loads I am holding now.. Wanting to let go be free.. Want somone to understand me yet afraid of it. In another words, I am rejecting. NOT I dont know what or what, I am just rejecting.. someone point out this today.. alot of times, we choose to forget.. But that is sub consciously.. but we did not forget.. We CHOOSE to forget.
How true... At least I think it is what I am experiencing right now.. at the moment... I stopped myself from recalling, I stopped myself from thinking, I stopped myself because I am afraid to face it.. I just wish I could run far far away. However, I know i will not be happy if things turn out this way.. I own my life.. I am responsible for it.. I want to make the best of it.. I want to embrace it so much, I want to love this life so much... I am not willing to leave just like that.. Maybe this is one of the reason why I am able to win the battle once and once deep within... no matter how hurt I feel...
I am not sure what I am trying to tell you.. you know I cant express well.... Of coz, this is not everything... not my deepest secret, not the completely real km. But ... aiyo.. dont know.......
Anyway, right now, I am changing my attitude towards alot of things, because I know that no one had given up on me.. Unless I gave up myself 1st...
After all, working is not as horrible as what I think.. I should try to love the work I am doing now.. Every phase is like a piece of puzzle waiting to be put together to make my life complete..
Thank you my beloved teacher!! You are always there to support me.. mentally.. you helped me through yet another "down" of my life.. and of coz... to everyone who had never let me go..
I really miss you all so much so much.. more then words can say.. I want you to know I will mend my wounds, take good care of it. Believe, it will heal..
Well well.. I have started working for 7 days already.. Everything is not falling in place.. and I am not sure where gone wrong.. Well, I think i will not forget the date I start working. 11/09/03.. Mid-Autumn Festival. Hmm, seriously I dislike what I am doing right now. But, I agree with what you have said, attitude.. I am trying to change my attitude towards my work, my family, myself, everything and everything. It is not easy at all.. the stress I am undergoing right now..
Hmm, come all the way to achieve something like what I am feeling right now? Should not be the way. I should be thankful, greatful... but? I am so mix up right now...
I can tell everyone I am feeling ok but only tired.. feeling so tired so tired.. BUT I am not happy. Not really with what is happening surrounding me.. but with myself, my emotions, my thoughts... until I read what you have wrote.. emotions and thoughts are no longer the same..
Maybe I am just trying to ohard to go back to the past... Want to abandon loads I am holding now.. Wanting to let go be free.. Want somone to understand me yet afraid of it. In another words, I am rejecting. NOT I dont know what or what, I am just rejecting.. someone point out this today.. alot of times, we choose to forget.. But that is sub consciously.. but we did not forget.. We CHOOSE to forget.
How true... At least I think it is what I am experiencing right now.. at the moment... I stopped myself from recalling, I stopped myself from thinking, I stopped myself because I am afraid to face it.. I just wish I could run far far away. However, I know i will not be happy if things turn out this way.. I own my life.. I am responsible for it.. I want to make the best of it.. I want to embrace it so much, I want to love this life so much... I am not willing to leave just like that.. Maybe this is one of the reason why I am able to win the battle once and once deep within... no matter how hurt I feel...
I am not sure what I am trying to tell you.. you know I cant express well.... Of coz, this is not everything... not my deepest secret, not the completely real km. But ... aiyo.. dont know.......
Anyway, right now, I am changing my attitude towards alot of things, because I know that no one had given up on me.. Unless I gave up myself 1st...
After all, working is not as horrible as what I think.. I should try to love the work I am doing now.. Every phase is like a piece of puzzle waiting to be put together to make my life complete..
Thank you my beloved teacher!! You are always there to support me.. mentally.. you helped me through yet another "down" of my life.. and of coz... to everyone who had never let me go..
I really miss you all so much so much.. more then words can say.. I want you to know I will mend my wounds, take good care of it. Believe, it will heal..
