.Meltz.

One sentence to describe my feeling after reading 2 very beautiful angels's blogs, Qian1 Yan2 Wan4 Yu3. 2 of you always made me smile. Always give me the feeling that it's ok to be silly. I will not be judge like what others did to me. Will not detest me for being silly, "anti-social", all and all.

Always lost for words. Always wish my language is better to aid me express myself... Anyway, I believe you(yes you) will understand what I am trying to say.. Qian1 Yan2 Wan4 Yu3 Jing4 Zai4 Bu1 Yan2 Zong1.

Peace!

.LAMA RANG KHYEN NO.

Within such a short period of time, so much things happened within and beyond her control. She learnt things everyday. She learn self denial, self acceptance, the price to pay for being arrogrant, the feeling of loneliness, anger, see people in wider prospective... so much so much. She could not name out everything. So hurts. Infact, all hurts. But she knew that she have to go through all this. She knew that she had to grow up from the pain, those bad experiences. It was a long long way to go. She haven gave up. She is trying to protect herself from whatever waiting ahead for her.

Sometimes she lose herself in emotions, sometimes she gave up dreaming, sometimes she lose herself, sometimes she questions about herself, her abilities, sometimes she feels like giving up, everything and everything...BUT she knows that she is growing slowly. From an unsightly caterpillar into a butterfly. The process is time consuming, tired, irritating but slowly and slowly, she will fly high and pretty among the flowers and grasses. She knew she is a caterpillar now and that she is not going to give up no matter how many people detest caterpillar, trying to get rid of this caterpillar. Lets pray for this caterpillar to stay strong.

Lama la,
LAMA RANG KHYEN NO

.Dreams.Reality.

Dreams and reality are two different issues altogether.
Dreams are disturbing. I don't wanna dream no more.

.Searching.

"Funny how you lose yourself at times. So this gurl has gone off in search of herself. Feeling all messed up and disillusioned, she's questioning every decision she's made in life and wondering at them, realising she's doing everything wrong. Blaming the world for it when really, she's the one at fault. Let's hope she finds herself. "

--- I read this on a random surf blog. It describes perfectly how I am feeling right now. Quoting again:" Let's hope she finds herself. "

.Sleep.

I feel like sleeping. But somehow, I feel that sleeping is wasting my time. But I know I have to sleep. I am feeling sleepy already. What will happened if i never wake up from my sleep?

.Unknown Emotion.
Tired, tired and tired today. I have found a new way to keep myself busy without thinking. It is... exercise. When I am engaged in the game, I think of nothing. Even if i am thinking, it does not bothers me that much.

Sometimes it really bothers me. How the brain works, or should I phrase it, how the mind works? Puzzled. How could people stopped thinking? How can people go crazy by thinking. It is really amazing how the mind works and how much things the brain can store. How big is one's mind? As big as the universe? Then, may I ask again, how big is the universe?

Life is full of questions. And yes, I do understand that life is full of ups and downs. But how do one curb ones feeling? Hmm, why do I have so many questions? Why do I ask so much questions? Someone help? After thinking, after understanding, after knowing, people still fall into the same old hole. Walking the same path, leaving and returning to the same starting point. Can someone tell me how to leave the original spot without falling in to the hole again and again? Growing up? Letting go? Let it be? Just move on?

I dont know, unsure, unwilling to accept. Tell me now, what is the next thing I should be doing? All is a cycle. I cant escape, I cant breathe.