Today, I wasn’t feeling very well deep down.. I was very not sure what is going in deep inside. Helpless over everything… At least I understand that JY is back… I can hear her talk about everything in France… I believe that can actually cheer me up a little and I was very happy about it and it really helps..

I was so happy to hear her voice.. I was up in fact quite upset today but I am just so glad that after picking up the phone call from her, I somehow become more and more happy. I feel so much to hear about her trip. Meet her and see the pictures she took in France.

But deep down, I am I’m not happy at all.. hehe… I don’t know why.. Seems that the depression is just here like that. I get upset for nothing.. not knowing what happened. I really hate this shit I am going through. Everything is so lame. I want to get myself out of this situation but I could not. Help me somebody.. I somehow felt that I am going crazy soon really soon. I could not breath. School s****.. Am I feeling so stress?

How I wish I will go into coma then I will not have to think. Feel. I really feel so bad so bad… everything is so lame. Things that can cheer me up don’t really last long.. no they don’t. I don’t want to cry.. I am holding on… I am really holding on. For how long can I do that? I am not sure… dare not think of it.

Nevermind… I will try to take things easy…

Aiyo... I thought this morning till afternoon I am quite happy over everything. Although not alot but then somehow.. everything was going "fine" in a way..

BUT... I've got angry. I waited for Shiyun for 40 mins. I dont know what is happening. Everything seems that I could not handle it well with my emotions.
Instead, she got angry with me just when I felt that I have the right to sort of say her for keeping me waiting at the bus stop over a stupid phone call. Maybe that call is very important but at least let me know. Don't let me wait there like nobody business.. I really hate that kind of feeling. I felt so wu nai. So angry so angry.
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Today, centre came a new Lama. His name is Tseten Lama. I was somehow impressed by him. He can speak very good English and He could write. Better then the few of us in centre. Impressed impressed! Hehe. Maybe like they say, he gave the kind of feeling which is very similar to Dorje Jongpo Lama.

Hmm... but I think I will not be able to get along very well with him. I am pretty sure about it. I am not sure why. But... it is all gan jue. And I believe it is true.

I miss His Holiness Penor Rinpoche, Chime Tulku and Lama Rinchen today. Somehow, I long to hear their laughter. I think it is enough to make me smile. Tonight on my way home, I was wondering... it is really very scary. People can actually forget things within such a short period of time. It is me who think it is short? I do not know. And I believe I do not wish to know either.

I wanna tell myself to pluck up the courage to trust again but I know it will take a long long time.

One more thing, we can never really understand and know what another pple thoughts. Too many...... loss for words.

Ok... time to sleep... Sista. I am looking forward to talk with you... I miss you so much.

Oh yea... I don't know if I should be happy over this or not but however... Hmm..I think I somehow make it throught for this project demo. I am somehow very happy over everything.
But Supervisior is very not happy with Taufik. Hmm.. I think I somehow make her think that Kae Yunn is working too... Where else she is not working as I wish.. Come to think of it, poor Taufik. I am very sorry but you should back up already isn't it?

Please remember it is not only your project but it is everyone's.

Hmm... I should think of the positive side... I should be happy over everything.

Let me think of one happy thing.... Jingyi is coming back to Singapore tomorrow from France.

Today rinpoche came back to Sinagpre already. I did not get to see him that day but I am very happy. Hmm.. this time, he came back from India with another Lama. He will be the Lama to translate. Hmm.. come to think of it, it is actually very nice to have an translator in centre.. but one more thing... who is that Lama?

I really hope that Lama would be someone I will feel comfortable with. Especially if I have anything to ask Rinpoche, I will not hesitate to talk and ask.

Hmm... Sound really silly now.. i am actually typing all this... Suddenly, I am feeling so empty now.

My little mind is so preoccipued with thoughts... running thoughts, excuses... to make myself happy... but everything is not going on very smoothly... Aiyo.... Emotion, when can I conquer you and make you my slave?

Hahahaha....!!! Emotion still rule now.

One of my sista coming back from France... after 2 weeks... I miss them terribly... And I am soooooo... happy today.
This morning, they called me~!!!! from FRANCE!!! I was so happy that I can JUMP!
I felt so happy and so "an wei" to received their call. I was not forgetten. They miss me too.. My two darling.. :)
I finally produce something nice.. at least What i think for my Final Year Project Website.

I was vert proud actually where Shiyun actually praise me for that. Wasn't easy for her to praise me this way.
I was somwhow glad that I impress her in a certain way... Haha... I must continue to Jia you so as not to let pple surrounding be get upset. Jia you!! Jia you! you can make it my dear!

Today I think of alot of pple. I brought 2 cards too... One is meant for Trina in Perth and the other one is meant for Aisyah.

Talking about Aisyah, I was very very... err.. Headache.. I am very sad because I could not help her in any way.
Don't worry, I will always include you in my prayers. Please Hand on there my dear fren.

Hmmm.... I think it is time to get back to my website...

Oh no... I am having a demo tomorrow... I am very worried that I could not make it through.. very very worry..
Please... hope everything will be fine tomorrow... Everything, everybody...

Lets keep our fingers cross.!!